Douglas Cootey (douglascootey) wrote,
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Somnambulist Sonata

Lately my AD/HD has been out of control. So unfocused. So much time lost. I suppose it isn't any surprise that this peak in distractedness is accompanied by a bad spell of insomnia. I worry for the goals I have set. The year is half over and my deadline looms in the distance.

I have found the most unlikely place to find solace, and usually at the most unlikely hours. There is a pedestrian walkway down the street that crosses over I-215. One day I discovered to my surprise that there was an open WiFi connection in the middle of the highway. Right there in the middle of an eight lane highway I could connect to the internet and send email. It was the craziest thing and that spot became a fast favorite of mine.

Now, when I am restless, and when the night it growing old and morning is but a few scant hours away, I sit down in the center of the walkway, slip on my iPod's headphones, and either type away on my iBook or pull out my notebook and let my imagination soar while jotting down notes in the semi-dark.

I used to get a terrible sense of vertigo when I first began this routine, but I have become acclimated to the sense of space beneath me and lights and motion whirring past, but not before I recorded my feelings about the irrational fears. I plan on pulling from that one day.

Sometimes, my night walks lead me to strange places like unfinished houses where the thin plastic sheeting they use to cover doorways in lieu of doors billows eerily in the unseen breeze I generate with my passing. Very creepy, especially when the night is still and there is no sound of wind, but I will use that, too, one day.

I used to fear the dark, and fear solitude in the dark, but I have faced that fear and learned from it. And now as morning races into my future, I need to finish some drawing I had planned and get to bed. I enjoy the quiet of the night when the children are all asleep. I will sorely miss this solitude when I finally conquer my insomnia and end my somnambulist ways. I wonder if the early morning will ever give me joy the way a moonlit night on a summer's eve gives me now.
Tags: ad/hd goals melancholy pb
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